Adapted from the book
Project Renewment™: The First Retirement Model for Career Women
by
Bernice Bratter & Helen Dennis
Imagine the feeling of euphoria the first month of retirement. There are no deadlines, e-mails, commutes, office politics or pressures. The time is ours, yet we still haven’t slowed down. Our calendars are filled with so much to do that we can hardly catch our breath. This initial period of retirement is often referred to as the honeymoon phase.i Many of us will feel exhilarated — at least for a while. So began the experience of one newly retired woman in Project Renewment™.
“In the first few months of my retirement I was so busy I didn’t know how I ever had time to work. The first thing I did was to take everything that was broken out of my storage cupboard and had it repaired. That included the vacuum, cracked porcelain plate and the bent silver spoon. I cleaned and organized my house. I took clothes to the tailors, shoes to the shoemaker and I had the house painted and windows washed. I even tackled the garage. I went on a trip to India and had breakfasts, lunches and dinners with old friends. I took yoga classes and long walks in the middle of the day. I read books and took computer lessons, honing my skills since I no longer had an assistant. My biggest luxury was reading the morning newspaper — in the morning.”
“After everything got fixed and I grew tired of eating at restaurants every day, life began to feel superficial. I panicked when I realized that I was busy — and bored. I didn’t miss work, but I missed the mental stimulation, camaraderie and challenges that I had while working. I was scared that I could never find these things again in retirement.
Clearly something was missing.
The early days of retirement are filled with choices: a time to catch up with friends, take the extra yoga and Pilates classes and start (and complete) the never-ending to-do lists. There is even a choice to do nothing. We initially may feel liberated, relieved and know we now have the time to do all of those things for which there was no time during our working years.ii This glorious honeymoon can last a lifetime or disappear and reappear many times.
One of the unsettling retirement experiences of successful women is the prospect of an empty calendar. We are used to filling every minute knowing where we are supposed to be, what projects are due and what clients to meet. Now the calendar is empty. If not, it is filled with different kinds of appointments – the doctor, mechanic, hairstylist and trainer. One woman commented, “Sometimes I write my own name on my calendar so I think I’m busy.
Why do we feel so compelled to be busy? Part of the answer is the Puritanical work ethic that is the framework from which we derive implicit positive rewards as a result from the work we do. We gain a sense of self-respect when we demonstrate initiative, industriousness, productivity and self-discipline, all traits valued in the work place.
And by being busy, we are protected from the perception that others may have of us as no longer being able to perform. Keeping busy may give definition to our emerging role, which can be clouded at best. It motivates us to continue contributing to society, families, the arts and the non-profit world. We try to make this world a better place. The key is to find value in our busyness.
The American author Barbara Ehrenreich, writes that “the secret of the truly successful…is that they learned very early in life how not to be busy.” This suggests that life is to be savored and not rushed.