If your son or daughter’s relationship breaks up it can bring special problems for grandparents.
- You may feel let down or disappointed, sad or angry. Talk it over with someone, a counsellor if necessary. Your grandchildren are going to need your support at this time.
- Don’t talk to your grandchildren about your disappointment with their parent(s), but listen to their feelings.
- If your son or daughter is very distressed you may be needed to try to explain to your grandchildren what is happening, and to help them to talk about their feelings. This needs a great deal of tact and sensitivity as both of the couple are your grandchildren’s parents. Children usually love and want to be with both their parents.
- Try to keep positive relationships with both parents, so that they will want you to go on playing a part in their children’s lives.
- If your son or daughter remarries or enters another relationship there will be other issues to think about. It is important to support the new relationship in front of the children, whatever you think about it.
- If step-grandchildren arrive you will need to think and maybe talk about other things such as:
- what presents will each of the children receive for birthdays?
- what will you do about will and family inheritance?
- how will you be able to share your time between your grandchildren?
- These are individual questions that need to be worked out for your own situation, but it is important that everyone’s feelings are considered.
- Sometimes grandparents are called on to do the parenting while a son or daughter goes back to work after a separation. If this happens, be sure that you are willing to do it. It will probably be of great value to your grandchildren as long as it is not a burden to you.
- Some grandparents in this situation resent the fact that it is hard, physical work or they haven’t time to do things with their own friends. They worry about what will happen to their grandchildren if they lose their health and cannot continue the childcare. Talk these things over with your son or daughter or a supportive person. It is important to take care of yourself in order to provide caring for your grandchildren.
- Your grandchildren may have problems as they struggle with their own feelings about the changes. This could show up in their behaviour. Behaviour problems come from unhappiness. It is important to talk this over with your grandchildren’s parents, so you can get help with managing the children.