How to meet and greet online
Meeting people and making friends can be tricky at the best of times. Not many people are totally comfortable with approaching a stranger and striking up a conversation.
But what happens when you turn this scenario into an online or internet environment? Suddenly you are interacting with text in a chatroom, small blurry photos and no physical contact.
With the increase in popularity of online dating sites or ‘meeting places’, a new set of rules and etiquette come into play. And for over 50’s it’s no different.
Although common sense should prevail, here are some hints and tips for ensuring your online experience is safe and comfortable.
1. Be flexible
If you have been in a marriage or a long term relationship it’s possible that you have settled into a routine. With a new person you will need adaptable and open to new ideas and lifestyles. This can be an interesting & exciting challenge and a good way to experience the romance of a new relationship.
2. Move on from your old relationship
Whether your previous relationship ended because of death, divorce or a decision to break up, there’s generally a lot of pain involved. After a grieving period, you need to accept that it’s over and allow the healing process to begin. Be careful that you don’t carry the baggage from a past relationship into any new relationship you are trying to start. It can make it much more difficult.
3. Quality or quantity?
After a divorce, some people resolve never to allow themselves to be vulnerable again. They often seek a series of uncommitted relationships which are mainly physical. It’s quantity rather than quality. Undoubtedly there are people listed on web dating sites who are mainly interested in sex. You may even find married men and women who are looking for a bit of sex on the side. It takes all kinds… Until you are prepared to commit to another person again, with all the highs and lows involved, you are unlikely to find a lasting love.
4. Get ready to start again.
When you are largely over the grief and pain of your last relationship, it’s a good idea to start building your confidence and making yourself more interesting and attractive. If you’re getting into the dating scene again, it’s advisable to maximise your chances of success. Spend some money on yourself and your wardrobe. Take up new hobbies, sports or interests or reactivate old ones. Consider a self improvement course, if you think it could help your confidence. When you like the person you see in the mirror and learn to smile again, others will be attracted to you.
5. Understand the online environment
Many over 50’s will not have registered with an online meeting place before and will be just as nervous and unsure as you may be. Check out the help section or FAQ (frequently asked questions) which appear on most dating sites. Clues to how you can register, view profiles and contact members should be readily available.
6. Browse who is registered online
Not everyone will be ‘live’ online – ie at their computers – when you are, this is why you need to register and read about the people who are already listed in the site. There should be several ways to browse, for example, you can choose to only view profiles with photos, or those close to your home or only those who share your interests.
7. Register and develop your profile – it’s free
Most sites allow you to register for free – by registering you are letting everyone know you are ready to meet other people online. When you write your profile, try and describe yourself the way your friends would. Although it may be tempting – avoid fudging the truth, someone will want to meet you face-to-face at some point and it will be difficult to hide the fact that you are 10cm shorter and 10 kilos heavier (if that’s what you want to fudge!).
You need to convince any interested reader that you are sincerely interested in a new relationship. Positive language is important in writing your profile and in any messages you send to other people. Get any negative thoughts about previous failed relationships out of your head.
8. Add a photo to your profile
Website traffic statistics show that profiles with a photo generate up to 15 times more views by other people than those that don’t. And make sure your photo shows the ‘real’ you – in normal clothes – no hat or sunglasses covering your face – and please remember to smile!
9. Children
Your profile should mention whether you have children and whether they live with you or not. Some people will be concerned by children and their impact on a future relationship while others will selome the idea.
10. So you’ve seen someone you want to contact?
What next? In most online friendship and dating sites, if you want to contact another member you will have to pay a fee (monthly, quarterly or annually) to become a ‘full’ member. This membership should give you the right to interact with the members of your choice through emails or special functions on the site often called ‘kisses’ or ‘winks.’ These functions are just a quick and easy way to send a message to member by way of introduction.