The dating game may appear to have changed beyond all recognition, but don’t panic, advises Carol Dix
You’re over 50 and it’s possibly decades since you ever gave dating a thought. It’s certainly a lot different to what it was 20 – 30 years ago. Internet dating has certainly changed the rules, however, don’t panic, just remember everyone is playing the same version of the game. There are no hard and fast rules to learn, but you can stick by your own sense of what’s right and wrong, and what you might expect from others.
Getting yourself out there and noticed
If you’re worried about not coming over as attractive, then give yourself a makeover. Attractiveness really does come from inside, but if it’s been a while since you were out on the scene, then spend some time warming up.
As a woman you may well have been grooming yourself carefully for years. But why not make an investment in a new hairstyle or colour now? Take the advice of a daughter or younger friend about your fashion sense. Get out there exercising and tone up your body. You’ll soon feel a new inner glow.
A mature man might cling to the fantasy that when he was younger looks didn’t matter so much. Women liked you for your twinkly eyes or nice fat wallet. If you’ve moved on from that plush job and the twinkle is getting lost in the wrinkles, then you should also find someone younger to advise on hair and clothing style. Women like a man to look clean, nicely ironed, and full of life and vigour.
What kind of photo to use?
Concentrate on the photo, you will put up on a site or for an agency, even before you begin writing the profile. Some sites steer members away from relying on the photo as first stage in choosing dates. But mostly people scan the profiles, rejecting women or men based solely on looks. How you come across in the picture, rather than your actual looks is most important. My suggestion for women is don’t be too overtly sexy, nor look too serious. For men, make sure you find a really strong photo, not one where you have obviously cut off the previous partner. That really does matter!
Make sure the photo does you proud. Don’t post one up that is 10 years, 10 inches or 10 pounds different from the real you. It will only lead to disappointment and probable rejection when you meet. Hire a professional photographer or find a photography student. They’ll provide you with a digital shot of the right size for easy uploading to an online dating site and will want to make you look your best.
How to read others’ profiles
Try not to reject someone for bad spelling or a poor writing style – even if you’ve made yours perfect. But do read carefully what they say they’re looking for. If someone says they’re interested in ‘a fling’, expect them to mean it. They’re looking for sex without strings. If you want a relationship, don’t waste your time.
Writing a catchy profile
Try and imagine you’re in a conversation with a close friend. Write in an easygoing friendly style. Think of an anecdote to tell, something small and simple, maybe from a recent holiday or hobby. Please, nothing about your loneliness, the ex, or depression since giving up work. The power of the written word is amazingly strong. The impression you leave in that profile will be stronger than when you meet face to face.
What to say in those first emails
When someone starts writing email to you it can be exciting. You might feel that as you’ve hit it off easily, surely things will be plain sailing from here?, Stay cool. People can get addicted to ‘cyberdating’, finding it easier to fall in love with fantasy rather than in the flesh. Write back but don’t get too involved in the minutiae of your life at present. Then make sure you follow up emails quickly with a couple of phone calls. Does he sound as funny and witty on the phone? Does she exude sensuality and warmth in her voice?
Make a date to meet as soon as possible. A simple cup of coffee or glass of wine is the easiest next step – but make sure you keep your wits about you and play it safe by meeting in a public place and letting people know where you are going and who with. There are a lot of interesting and attractive people out there and one of them could be looking for someone just like you.
Source: Saga web site
